Healthy & Safe Relationships

Healthy relationships should help you feel respected, safe, valued and able to be yourself. Sometimes it can be difficult to know whether a relationship is healthy, especially when feelings are involved.

Every relationship is different, but healthy relationships usually involve:

• Respect – your feelings, opinions and boundaries are taken seriously.
• Trust – you don’t feel like you constantly have to prove yourself.
• Communication – you can talk honestly and listen to each other.
• Boundaries – you can say no or explain when something makes you uncomfortable.
• Equality – one person isn’t always making the decisions or controlling the other.
• Being yourself – you don’t feel you have to change who you are to keep someone happy.
• Support – you encourage each other without putting each other down.

Different relationships can have different boundaries

Friends – Good friends can disagree and still respect each other. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do things just to stay part of a friendship.

Family – Families don’t always agree, but you should still be treated with respect. It’s okay to have boundaries with family members too.

Teachers, tutors, coaches and professionals – Teachers, tutors, youth workers, coaches, support workers and other professionals may be friendly, supportive and someone you trust, but they also have a responsibility to keep the relationship professional and appropriate.

Professional boundaries help keep everyone safe.

An appropriate professional relationship means they should:

• treat you with respect and listen to you
• keep conversations and contact appropriate to their role
• use agreed ways of communication
• respect your personal space and privacy
• not ask you to keep inappropriate secrets or do something inappropriate
• not make sexual comments or behave in a sexual or romantic way towards you
• not use their position to pressure, control or take advantage of you
• be clear about what they can and cannot keep confidential, particularly if they are worried about your safety.

It’s normal to get on well with a teacher, coach or other professional. Being friendly is different from being friends. The professional is responsible for maintaining appropriate boundaries.

If something about a professional’s behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, confused or pressured, you can speak to another trusted adult, manager, family member or a different professional about it.

Relationships can be exciting, whether you’re starting your first relationship or have been with someone for a while.

A healthy romantic relationship should allow both people to have a voice.

You should be able to:

• spend time with your own friends and family
• have your own interests
• say no without feeling guilty or pressured
• talk openly about how you feel
• set boundaries
• disagree without being frightened
• make your own choices
• change your mind

Consent means freely agreeing to something. Consent should be clear, freely given and ongoing.

Saying yes once doesn’t mean you’ve agreed forever. You can change your mind at any point.

Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean someone has consented either.

Pressure isn’t consent

Someone shouldn’t:

• keep asking after you’ve said no or make you feel guilty for saying no
• say you “owe” them something or make you scared of what will happen if you refuse
• threaten to end the relationship or do something that makes you uncomfortable
• pressure you into sending intimate pictures, videos or sexual messages
• use money, alcohol or drugs to take advantage of you

Choosing whether to have sex is personal. There shouldn’t be pressure to do something because your friends are doing it, because you’re in a relationship or because you think it’s expected. You have the right to decide if, when and what you’re comfortable with.

Consent matters every time and applies to every sexual activity.

You can:

• say no
• change your mind
• stop at any time
• agree to one thing but not another
• decide you’re not ready.

Nobody is entitled to sex because you’re dating them, because you’ve had sex before or because they’ve bought you something.

If you’re sexually active, it’s important to understand the different ways you can protect yourself and your partner. You can find out more here: Spectrum Sexual Health

Preventing pregnancy – There are different types of contraception available to help prevent pregnancy. These include condoms, the contraceptive pill, implant, injection and other methods. Emergency contraception can also help prevent pregnancy after unprotected sex or if contraception hasn’t worked as expected.

Protection against STIs – Most contraception does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Condoms and internal condoms are barrier methods that can help reduce the risk of many STIs and can also help prevent pregnancy.

Spectrum’s C-Card scheme provides free condoms for 16–25-year-olds living in Wakefield – Spectrum Sexual Health C-Card Scheme

STI Testing
Some STIs don’t have obvious symptoms. Regular testing can help identify infections early, get you the right treatment and reduce the chance of passing an infection to someone else. You can find a local sexual health clinic near you here: Find a sexual health clinic – NHS

Talking to your partner
Being able to talk about contraception, condoms, testing and boundaries is part of a healthy sexual relationship.

Unhealthy relationships don’t always start with something obvious.

Sometimes behaviour can change gradually, and unhealthy behaviour can happen in friendships, families, romantic relationships, workplaces and online relationships.

You don’t need to wait until something becomes “serious enough” before asking for help.

If ANY relationship is making you feel uncomfortable, controlled, frightened, pressured or unsafe, talk to someone you trust.

You deserve relationships where you feel safe, respected and able to be yourself.